neurotic mess.

ally mcbeal is in my head and she wont comeout.

seriously, i might be nuts/

i hate dating. i really do because i'm fucking crazy! i read too far into situations and automatically feel rejected. last week he called me every night or i called him and he answered.

that pretty much ceased Sunday. I was supposed to call him later that night but i completely spaced a 6 page paper that was due the next day. I figured the paper that I had not started yet might just be more important. (thats another thing... im too tsoist when it comes to relationships... it's like i'm convinced that they aren't going to work out so i stop trying before it has stopped.)
I told myself that I need to call him monday night. I didn't call him monday night because I had yet another paper to write. This one was on a book I was supposed to read but didn't. Tuesday night happened and I came down with the most hellishly intense sinus infection ever.

I'm still on the mend from it... there really isn't anything fair about endometrious it just seems even more unfair when your sick and the pains start. seriously this sucks. i feel like im on the rag and i have no pills with me. I could chew naproxen all day and it doesnt do a damn thing.

i shouldn't be up this late but im not going to be able to sleep just yet. the whole phone issue has been bothering me. the rational side of me says "chill out he just turned 21 and most likely left his cell phone somewhere." the crazy ally mcbeal side of me insists that theres something wrong because what else would happen? he replyed to my texts (i had to text him because my voice is no more). my head is full with the image of his phone ringing with my call and hes just watching it or something. god im crazy. i try to be a strong rational person but when it all comes down to it im a neurotic mess.

I need to stop watching my phone like my social life depends on it. why does dating do this to me? im losing my mind. its not helping that my mom keeps asking me if ive spoken to him. did i do anything wrong? I mean im not good at the whole telephone thing and I know i told him that. I'm sick... I can't help but fear that I've pissed him off in someway and hes not talking to be in an effort to figure out just how he'll go about dumping me. I have to keep catching myself trying to text him "are you mad at me" to me that seems like a highschool qquestion. ugh! the stress is astonding. i am a neurotic mess.